Going Through The Motions

I'm expected to throw it away and act as if it never affected me. Then I'm supposed to search for the next one and begin again. Go through the phases of explaining all the firsts, how my parents marriage made me into the person I am today, what I'm looking for right now. Then the challenege approaches. Keeping him interested enough for a first date, then a second and third. Then my biggest obstacle arrises. I'm supposed to trust him. Trust that the words he says are true. And trust that this will last. Thing is I don't always have it in me to go through the motions. Sometimes too much is expected and sometimes people tend to forget that it's not easy to tell him how I've failed continuously or why I always seem sad or why I shy away from relationships occasionally. Because when you think you've met 'the one' four times, and he turned out to be anything but, and when you felt you were safe enough to display your heart, putting it behind you and acting like it never phased you can be the most difficult thing.